2004-01-14 / 6:17 p.m.

"Everything seems to have gone terribly wrong that can...

..but one breath at a time is an acceptable plan, she tells herself."

She tells him, as well; but he doesn't seem overly comforted by Ani. Imagine.

Those who weren't called in a shaking fit of tears last week will have to be informed by those who did. I can't go back to that. The journal's under the table and the frantic email was recanted and I told him what the prophynol made him forget-- mean little girl, but I can't carry it by myself-- and now it has to fade. It hurts more than I was prepared for, all of it. My eyes don't make tears anymore and it still stings my lungs when I breathe.

"It's not fair" is dangerous. It was never productive but I didn't realize how tempting it is, how easily I could fall into it until I'm not anything more than a puddle of bitterness on the carpet; unable to function, unable to live. But it isn't; it's not fair and my tenuous hold on a belief in justice has been summarily crushed.

< & >