2004-01-26 / 11:22 p.m.

Sleeping is easier when he's awake; when I can feel him conscious in the other room and I'm aware of tiny sounds. The nightmares aren't gone but they're not so clear; not so sweaty screamy burning. There's still fear in the back of my mind. Too much quiet or distance or time and I can't feel my fingertips, the floor moves up to kiss me and it's way too cold. When does this stop? I don't want more medication or more doctors and I don't want to talk about it write about it dream about it think about it anymore. Three weeks was enough; I can't do more.

Make it stop, please.

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