2004-03-02 / 8:13 p.m.

...and I suppose I just miss you and I'm over-reacting.

It's so weird being on the coast again. I want to see everyone so bad and then as soon as I do I want Bryan and hills and city lights and I can't stand it. Yesterday I couldn't have told you where I'd rather be, that house in hell or at home on my hill; I wanted both, wanted everyone. I just knew Bryan (and the restaurant) would be more upset at my staying than my Hattiesburg sweet kids would be at my leaving. I wish I could have stopped time for awhile.

Sigh.

I don't regret any of my decisions. I regret the operation of the universe and my inability to manipulate it according to my needs. It felt so good to be with my friends again; druggy, kind of. Front porches and bars make me happy. But I love it here. I love it and I need it and I don't miss the catifsh stench or the orange bricks... I just want about 15 people to move into my apartment with me. Come on guys...I've got an air-matress and alot of floor space... It was nice to come home and be held. I don't feel safe far away from him.

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